What Good Leaders Do When They Don’t Agree With Others

When you don’t agree with someone on your team—or even worse, with another leader or upper management—it is a real challenge. You’ve been a servant leader, putting your team’s needs first and working hard to create a positive, collaborative culture.

You care about what your team members think. You listen to their ideas. And honestly, most of the time, it works. Most of the time, you’re all on the same page, or at least close enough to make things work. But then, out of nowhere, you hit a wall.

You don’t agree with a key person on something that really matters, and it’s not some small difference of opinion. Nope, this is a major disagreement, something that affects big decisions or the direction of your project.

Maybe a team member has a different idea about how to handle a tricky problem. Or maybe another leader sees a completely different path forward. Or—let’s make it interesting—upper management wants something that goes against what you know in your gut is best for your team. Whatever it is, you just… don’t agree. And it’s not easy to shake off.

In moments like this, it’s normal to feel stuck. After all, you’re the leader, right? You’re supposed to be the one guiding and supporting everyone, making sure things go smoothly, and keeping people motivated. But now you’re in this uncomfortable spot where you don’t agree, and you’re not sure how to handle it.

Should you push back? Should you keep quiet and just go along with it? Do you have a conversation about it, even if it might lead to some tension? These are the questions running through your mind.

Here’s the thing: good leaders know that disagreement is part of the job. Even the best, most well-intentioned teams are going to have moments when they don’t see eye-to-eye. And as a leader, handling these situations with grace, empathy, and a steady hand is crucial.

You don’t have to bulldoze your way through to “win” the disagreement, and you don’t have to back down just to keep the peace, either. There’s a better way—a way that respects your values as a servant leader while also keeping the team on track.

In this article, we’re going to talk about exactly that: what good leaders do when they don’t agree. Because disagreement is inevitable, but handling it well? That’s what sets great leaders apart from the rest.

Tips For When You Don’t Agree With Others As A Leader

No matter how great your team is or how strong your relationship is with upper management, there’s always going to be a time when you just don’t agree with someone’s idea or approach.

Maybe it’s a team member who’s super excited about a new strategy, but you know it’s risky. Or it’s a manager pushing for faster results, but you’re worried about the pressure on your team.

Whatever the case, as a leader, it’s your job to handle these situations gracefully. You want to stick to your values, keep the peace, and still keep the respect of everyone involved. Here are some tips to help you do just that.

Listen, Listen, and Then… Listen Some More

When you don’t agree with someone, it’s tempting to jump straight in with your counterpoints. But here’s the thing: if you want people to respect your opinion, you’ve got to show that you respect theirs first.

So take a deep breath, set aside your thoughts for a moment, and just listen. And I mean really listen—give them your full attention and try to understand where they’re coming from.

When you disagree, ask open-ended questions like, “What makes you feel that this is the right approach?” or “How do you see this playing out if we go in that direction?” Not only does this make them feel heard, but sometimes you might even find they bring up a good point you hadn’t considered.

And if you still don’t agree, at least you’ll have a clearer view of their perspective before you respond.

Find Common Ground First

This one might sound obvious, but it’s surprising how often people skip it. When you don’t agree with someone, one of the easiest ways to keep things peaceful is to start by focusing on what you do agree on.

Let’s say upper management is pushing for faster results, but you’re worried about burnout on your team. Start by acknowledging their goal: “I get that you want to see progress faster, and I’m on board with finding ways to improve our pace.” Then, ease into your concerns.

When you begin with a point of agreement, it shows that you’re willing to collaborate, and it puts a positive tone for the discussion.

Be Honest, But Be Kind

As a leader, you want to be honest about where you stand, but you also want to deliver it with kindness. It’s okay to disagree openly, but how you say it matters.

Instead of saying, “I just don’t think that’ll work,” try something like, “I see where you’re coming from, but I have some concerns about how this could impact our team.” This approach shows that you’re not just shutting down their idea; you’re considering it thoughtfully and sharing your concerns.

Instead of saying, “No, I don’t like this idea,” try, “I appreciate your creativity here! My concern is that this might stretch our resources too thin. How could we adjust this idea to manage that?” This way, you’re giving feedback without making them feel discouraged.

Give It Time When Possible

Sometimes, when you don’t agree with someone, the best thing you can do is not make a decision right away. If it’s not an urgent issue, give both of you some time to think it over.

Let’s say another leader is pushing for a big change, but you’re not convinced it’s the right move. Instead of feeling pressured to give an answer on the spot, say something like, “This is a big decision, and I want to make sure we consider all the angles. Can we circle back on this tomorrow after I’ve had a chance to think it through?”

Taking a pause can help you cool down if you’re feeling pressured, and it gives everyone a chance to reflect. Sometimes, both parties come back to the table with a fresh perspective—and you might even find you agree more than you thought.

Pick Your Battles

Here’s a big one: you don’t have to die on every hill. Not every disagreement is worth a long, drawn-out discussion. Sometimes, as a leader, it’s about knowing when to let go. The human you are will thank you. 

Ask yourself, “Is this really worth the energy? Or is this something I can let slide for the bigger picture?” If it’s a small issue that doesn’t affect your core values or the team’s well-being, sometimes it’s better to just let it go. Save your energy for the big things that truly matter to your team and your mission.

Agree to Disagree (Respectfully)

At the end of the day, sometimes you’re just not going to see eye-to-eye, and that’s okay. When you don’t agree, and you’ve tried to find common ground, sometimes the best thing you can do is agree to disagree.

Be respectful, let them know you value their perspective, and move forward. For example, “I understand where you’re coming from, and I respect your viewpoint. I’m not totally on board, but I appreciate your passion for this idea.”

It’s respectful, clear, and accepting which is what most people really need when they don’t agree.

Disagreeing Doesn’t Mean Dividing

At the end of the day, disagreements are just part of life as a leader. You’re not always going to see eye-to-eye with everyone—whether it’s a team member, another leader, or upper management. And that’s okay!

Good leadership isn’t about avoiding conflict; it’s about handling it with respect, empathy, and open-mindedness. When you don’t agree, you don’t have to let that difference of opinion tear things apart. In fact, when handled well, disagreements can actually bring people closer together, showing everyone that diverse perspectives are valued.

So next time you’re in a situation where you don’t agree, try to see it as a chance to build trust, strengthen your team, and practice the kind of calm, steady leadership that earns respect.

As a leader, your job isn’t to “win” every debate—it’s to keep the team strong, unified, and moving forward. And sometimes, that’s as simple as finding a way to agree, even when you don’t agree.