How To Lead People Who Don’t Like You: Guide For Dedicated Leaders

You may develop a teeny tiny hatred for leadership the day you have to lead people who don’t like you. Unfortunately, it’s a situation that anyone can fall into. You could be promoted to leading a project or get transferred to another department. You could even get a management role at a new company.

Everything will seem normal until it isn’t. You notice some resistance, team members avoiding you, and some just outright showing that they do not like you. 

You may be the kind of leader who believes you don’t have to be liked. But sometimes, when you lead people who do not like you, it becomes challenging to get things done. You can face anything from resistance to passive-aggressive behavior.

And before you threaten to fire your team, consider that you can still lead and even build a good relationship with those people. 

Leading people who do not like you is a challenge and true leaders do not back away from a challenge! In fact, this is an opportunity for you to deal with a difficult situation and improve your leadership skills.

So, how do you lead those who do not want to be led by you without threatening to fire everyone or, worse, retaliating against their dislike for you?

First, you will need patience and a great attitude. Find out what else you need below. 

Why Don’t People Want Your Leadership?

Before discovering what it takes to lead the people who don’t like you, it’s good to understand why they are not lining up under your leadership. It’s not always some personal thing against you. In fact, most issues are about them instead of you. Here are reasons to consider:

They Don’t Trust You

If you are new in that role, then this is likely the reason. People who don’t trust you will be resistant to your leadership. Trust is built through consistent actions, familiarity, honesty, and reliability.

If your team doesn’t believe in your integrity, thinks you have hidden motives, or just doesn’t know you that well, they will likely question your decisions and hesitate to follow your lead. 

Fear of Change

Change can be scary, and people who don’t like you might resist your leadership because they fear the changes you’re trying to implement. Again, it is likely to happen if you are new in your role. 

Change often brings uncertainty, and very few people are usually comfortable with it. So you will notice some resistance when you introduce new processes or systems that disrupt the status quo, for example. They are used to the old way of doing things and will push back.

Not to mention, this resistance can be stronger if they already have doubts about your leadership.

They Feel Like They’re Losing Control

When someone takes reactive control of your project, you are bound to get frustrated with this person, if not angry. That’s how your team could be feeling. People who feel like they’re losing control over their work or decisions might resist your leadership.

People who don’t like you might see your leadership as a threat to their autonomy. If your leadership style is very directive and doesn’t allow for much input from the team, members might feel powerless and become resistant.

Or if you get too involved in every little thing they do, you will face some resistance. They might push back against your ideas as a way to regain some control.

Past Resentments

Okay, so this one is personal. People with unresolved issues or past conflicts with you might resist your leadership out of resentment. Obviously, it applies to someone who knows you or whom you have worked with before.

Maybe they were not so impressed with your personality or did not like your leadership style. Or perhaps you offended them, and they never got past it. Either way, these past issues can create a barrier to accepting your authority. Unfortunately, this resistance can be difficult to overcome unless you ask and then talk about it.

Concerns About Competence

This one is not personal, but it’s sure going to feel like it. People might resist your leadership if they doubt your competence or ability to lead. It sucks, but it can happen. Also, people who don’t like you may be more critical of your decisions and question whether you have the right skills or knowledge.

It often happens if you’re new to a leadership role. Team members might be skeptical of your abilities and resist following your direction until you prove your competence.

They Feel Overworked

Is your team overworked or burnt out? If you don’t have the right answer, then it’s no wonder those people don’t like you. If your leadership has led to increased workloads without clear benefits, people might resist your efforts.

If you take away weekends, make them work overtime, and basically leave them no time for anything other than work, they will resist your leadership. If they feel that you’re making their jobs harder without understanding their challenges, then get ready for some resistance.

If you don’t know what that looks like, it is something like adding new tasks or responsibilities without providing adequate support. It can lead to burnout and resentment, causing them to push back against your leadership.

Tips For Leading People Who Don’t Like You With Grace

Here’s where I give the speech about not letting the resentment get to you because you are a leader. And while you saw it coming, it’s important to live by it when you are leading people who don’t like you.

It is challenging, and some days will be harder to resist than others. Additionally, you may feel the need to retaliate, but remember, that’s not what true leaders are supposed to do. So, here’s what you should do instead:

1. Focus on the Mission

When leading people who don’t like you, the best approach is to focus on the mission. That will keep you distracted from the weird looks and passive-aggressive quips. Not everyone needs to be friends to achieve a common goal.

By keeping the team focused on shared objectives, you can make sure that personal feelings don’t get in the way of work. For example, if a team member is resistant to your leadership, remind them of the project’s goals and how their contribution is vital. 

It will at least help keep everyone aligned on what truly matters—the team’s success.

2. Don’t Try to Be Liked

You will have the need to go a little overboard with politeness, niceness, and buying stuff for the team. It’s normal to want to be liked. However, trying too hard to be liked can backfire, especially with people who don’t like you.

Instead of trying to win them over, focus on being fair, consistent, and competent. People might not like you, but they can respect you for your professionalism. So, stick to what’s best for the team instead of changing your decisions to please someone.

Over time, your consistency can earn you respect, even if it doesn’t make you popular.

3. Lead by Example

The best kind of leaders lead by doing, not saying. And leading by example is crucial when dealing with people who don’t like you. Show your team how to work hard, stay focused, and treat others with respect, regardless of personal feelings.

For example, if you want your team to be punctual, make sure you’re always on time yourself. When you show the behaviors you expect from others, it’s harder for them to criticize your leadership, and they may start to follow your lead despite their initial resistance.

4. Stay Calm and Professional

In the face of resistance, staying calm and professional is important. Everything in your brain will scream for you to talk back or present the same rudeness you receive. However, reacting emotionally or taking things personally can worsen the situation.

If a team member challenges your decisions, respond with logic and clarity, not frustration.

When someone questions your approach, explain your reasoning calmly. By maintaining professionalism, you set a tone of respect and maturity, which can help diffuse tension and encourage cooperation. You’re going to have to be the bigger person. 

5. Acknowledge and Address Concerns

Sometimes, resistance comes from honest concerns. And while you may not want to hear it, it’s good to try to clear the air. So, when the resistance becomes too much, take the time to listen to what your team has to say.

If they do not like you because they feel overworked, understaffed, not supported, or stressed because of changes you made, then you have the chance to fix it! Acknowledging their concerns shows that you respect their opinions and are willing to address their issues. 

Addressing their concerns demonstrates that you’re a leader who cares about the team’s well-being.

6. Encourage Feedback

It’s good to have people on your team who tell you what others are scared to say. So when you lead, encourage feedback from your team, even from those who don’t like you. It can help you improve as a leader.

Ask for their input on how things can be done better. For example, after completing a project, invite the team to share what worked well and what didn’t. It will not only help you grow but also show that you value their perspective, which can reduce resistance over time.

7. Avoid Power Struggles

Engaging in power struggles with people who don’t like you can make the situation worse. You will want to make your team understand that you are the leader. You want them to know that they have to do what you say. But using your authority to cure resistance will only bring more resistance.

Instead of trying to assert your authority, focus on collaboration and finding common ground. If a team member challenges your decision, try to understand their point of view and see if there’s merit in their opinion. Avoiding power struggles helps maintain a positive working relationship, even with those who are resistant.

8. Be Patient and Persistent

Change doesn’t happen overnight, especially when dealing with people who don’t like you. So, like I said in the beginning, be patient and persistent in your efforts to lead effectively. Over time, as you continue to lead with integrity and consistency, resistance may decrease.

Some people are slow to come around but keep showing them respect and support. Your persistence can eventually win them over or at least reduce their resistance.

Be Their Leader Even If They Don’t Like You

Sometimes, it’s good to adopt the mindset of ‘you don’t have to be liked to be respected.’ Just as long as it does not cause any bias. The most important thing is for you to remain a leader no matter the resistance you face.

Leading people who don’t like you shouldn’t be that much different. Yes, you are facing resistance, but remember, you are there to guide your team to success. The dislike makes things harder, but definitely not impossible.