How I’m Becoming the Spiritual Leader in Our Home (Despite Not Being a Natural Leader)
What does it mean to be the spiritual leader of the household? It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. If you’re a Christian, then you know that biblically men are called to be the spiritual leader of the family, but what does that entail? How do we balance implementing that God-given authority with mutual respect, kindness, and freedom?
If we’re honest with ourselves, it’s a big task! Accepting a place of leadership requires a certain amount of vulnerability. Your words, actions, and decisions are on display—scrutinized by the family…and others. It can be a scary role to step into, especially if you aren’t a natural leader.
In almost every area of life, I would consider my wife to be superior in leadership qualities. She’s organized with administration aspects. She makes friends easily while also being brutally honest. She is always willing to get her hands dirty to help others, and she seems to excel at whatever she touches. She’s a hard worker and values integrity in all aspects of life. While she does encourage me and brag about my talents, I must admit that I often find it hard to compete with her. I know it’s not a competition, I just mean that I often feel insecure, wondering what she would have to learn from me.
My World Has Been Turned on Its Head…
For most of our marriage, she was the one with her face in the bible. She knows it far better than I do. She was the one studying the apologetics books, encouraging servanthood and evangelism in our lives, and signing us up to teach and lead everything. I, and most of our friend group, looked to her for prayer, solid biblical information, and an opinion grounded in truth.
Recently, that all changed. An unforeseen run of events in our weird life (that I don’t have time to explain here) has thrown my normally steadfast wife off her foundation. Right now, my rock is in the throes of a major spiritual crisis. It’s complicated, emotional, and confusing. She’s battling through it and avidly searching for the truth she needs, as she does, but there’s never been a time when she needed me to step up more than now.
It’s been a weird transition, but there are a few ways that I’m changing the environment of our house. Primarily, I’m focusing on drawing the attention back to the Lord in a way that feels natural and not forced. Since everyone in this house is an adult, actions are stronger than words here, and that’s where I’m focusing my efforts.
I am serving my wife more: I am attempting to show her at every turn the servant heart of Jesus. Love is patient, kind, etc. It’s willing to wash the feet of others, even when they’re straying. Jesus is willing to wait, willing to serve those who are in doubt, and capable of touching the hardest heart. I want to be that kind of Christ-follower.
I am opting for healthier entertainment: I don’t think there’s any valid doubt that today’s society is a cesspool of immorality. It’s all around us, and it’s so easy to fall into the trap of subtle evil. We get lost in hours of scrolling social media with its subliminal messages, false information, and outright attacks on Christian virtues. It’s easy to throw on a violent or sexually explicit movie and think nothing of it. I’m opting to put down the screen and offer to play chess or a card game, read a book together, visit family, or take a walk.
I’m putting my faith first: In a reversal of roles, I am the one getting up in the morning and opening my bible. I’m the one who starts getting dressed for church. Furthermore, I’m the one that moves the dinner conversation away from the trivial and onto life-giving topics. By focusing on my own faith, I’m moved by the subtle grace of the Holy Spirit, not my own will or ideas about how to change things.
I’m asking hard questions: I’m not naturally a conversationalist (despite years of my wife’s attempts), but I’m actively working on asking the hard questions. Sometimes, I admittedly ask things that I want her to think about, but more often than not, I’m asking for my own growth. I could pray about it. I could ask a mentor, pastor, or leader, but instead, I ask her. We talk about it, and we search scripture for the answer. It gets everyone on board.
I’m praying fervently: This one sounds like a no-brainer, but I often work on manmade solutions rather than God-ordained intervention. Being the spiritual leader of my family means submitting myself, my plans, my authority, and my ideas wholly to the Father. It is He who is really leading this ship, and I am learning daily to trust Him more. Prayer is a big part of that.
I’m giving my family space: My wife isn’t the only one in our family that is struggling. In fact, a few have walked away from the faith completely. While my initial response is frustration, and I just want to smack some sense into them, that won’t work. I’m finding that my family needs truth, well-studied and thought out, and then delivered in love. Then…they need space to think. So, I’m studying. I’m learning for them and for myself. I am speaking truth when I have the opportunity, but I’m not forcing it down their throats. I’m not making myself a person they don’t want to be around. Ultimately, Jesus is their decision.
If you’re not a natural leader, I hope this article sparked something in you. I found the hardest step in this whole process was the first one. It was that initial decision to step up and take my place as the head of the family. I didn’t know exactly what that would be like. I wasn’t sure how to proceed. Some days, I am still not certain that I’m doing it right, but God is full of wisdom and graciously doles it out to those who ask.
If you’re on the fence, take the step. Stay humble. Check your motives daily. Put your God first, and feed your own faith, then let it trickle down to your family. I believe when we’re willing, God can make a leader out of just about anyone!
Ryan is a professional travel and relationship writer, originally out of Arkansas. Educated as a health and physical education teacher, he sold all his possessions, uprooted, and went on sabbatical in 2020 to go exploring! He's spent the last four years traveling the world, living and working in more than forty countries. At his side, is his wife of 19 years and fellow travel writer, Abby. Aside from being a sports fanatic and Jesus lover, he's uncle extraordinaire to 14 of the greatest creations on Earth. His passion is sharing cultural finds and encouraging men to experience a more fulfilling life by loving, serving, and understanding their partners better. Ryan is often published on Adventures From Scratch where he shares his relationship advice and family adventure tips, and on Let's Roam, where he details his travel experiences. You can find more from Ryan on he and his wife's YouTube Channel- LostAmongLocals.
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Ryan Davishttps://befunbekind.com/author/ryan-davis/
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Ryan Davishttps://befunbekind.com/author/ryan-davis/
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Ryan Davishttps://befunbekind.com/author/ryan-davis/
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Ryan Davishttps://befunbekind.com/author/ryan-davis/
