Blog
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How I Keep Old Friends From Becoming Former Friends
We’ve all heard the saying, “You can’t make old friends.” That’s not to say you can’t meet new friends and acquaintances that you keep for life. What the saying means is that you’ll never be able to build the type of relationship with a new friend that you have with the people you grew up with. That’s not to say that new friends you make won’t go on to be your best and closest acquaintances. It simply means that the bonds you build with friends when you’re young are different than those you make in your twenties, thirties, and beyond. Old friends also bring back feelings of nostalgia and happiness…
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True Love Defined by Servanthood in Marriage
As I completed my second valentine’s hat, I contemplated the red crocheted heart on the rim and what it stands for. Love. Not the mushy Hallmark kind that equates to a dozen red roses and a nice dinner out that requires a reservation once a year on February 14th. Rather, the kind of love that lasts a lifetime….. My mother had a tooth pulled last week. It was not an easy extraction. The tooth was crowned, the crown broke, and the remains of the decayed tooth underneath were barely salvageable. The dentist recommended pulling the tooth. My mother hesitantly agreed. Partway through the long procedure, feeling the intense pressure of…
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Real Men, Real Confidence: Why ‘True Grit’ Means You Doing YOU
“I feel like a fraud. I’m just faking it until I make it. I’ve had enough, and I’m taking it out on everyone around me...” No, it’s not me saying this. But I hope this caught your eye, because I did want your attention for a few minutes. It’s surprising how you only find out how much pain someone is in until you ask if they are okay. I was speaking to a very successful entrepreneur dad (I’ll call him “Alex”) a few weeks ago, and I always thought that he had his stuff together. Aside from his having a lovely family and enjoying the wealth from his businesses, his…
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5 Strategies for Men to Conquer Self-Doubt and Thrive
I have to ask, are you the type of guy who wakes up in the morning with a long list of goals to achieve that day? Do you love hitting your time goals so much that even if you miss one target, it feels like hell is freezing over? Maybe you have a yearly calendar on your phone and every time you check something off, there seems to be another four items to tackle? Getting things done by “x” day of the month, it’s overwhelming right? Yes? Inner criticism: it’s a weakness of mine too. The Inner Critic is that that nagging voice inside your head, the one that constantly…
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This Helped Me Better Understand How Men Perceive Vulnerability
Recently I watched my husband grieve the loss of his father following a courageous battle with cancer. This experience was truly heartbreaking to witness. However, I believe it helped me to better understand just how complex the depths of vulnerability can be for men. To be vulnerable means to identify and share what is true for us emotionally. From the words of Brené Brown, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” As a therapist I encourage vulnerability; It has the power of truly transforming our relationships, with ourselves and with others. When we show vulnerably in the context of…
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How Betting on Myself Changed My Life Forever
Settle. Settle is defined by Merriam-Webster as “to place so as to stay,” “to establish as in residence,” or “to establish or secure permanently.” When a rock settles in a river, for example, it falls permanently to the bottom and sinks into the mud in the river bed. It’s then stuck for all of eternity unless someone comes along and pulls it out. Yes, I know this isn’t the most cheery way to start an article about pursuing your dreams, but it paints a picture of what happens to us when we settle for second-best. We become complacent and settle, causing us not to get better at whatever we’re doing,…
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These Tips Changed My Marriage Into a Lasting Relationship
We’ve all heard the saying, “happy wife, happy life.” While that’s true in part because you need both participants in a marriage to be happy, content, and satisfied, it’s also a lie. “Happy wife, happy life” implies that you should do whatever it takes to make your wife happy because as long as they’re happy, you’ll be happy. However, speaking from experience, I can tell you that this is absolutely false. Mutual participation, where you both do whatever it takes to make each other happy and not just one of you, is the key to a happy and lasting marriage. If this means that you occasionally have to compromise, then…
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My Thoughts on Masculinity as a Stay at Home Dad
When people think of traditional masculinity, they picture a man at his blue-collar job working hard to bring home the bacon. Or maybe they think of a doctor, a lawyer, or the cast of Mad Men, smoking and marketing like there’s no tomorrow. My point is that the traditional picture of masculinity includes men at work (not the band) and their wives at home, raising the kids, preparing dinner, and taking care of the home. This is especially true in conservative, patriarchial communities similar to the one that I was raised in. As such, the idea of being a stay-at-home dad is something so foreign to my friends, family, and…
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Why I Decided to Put My Spouse’s Dreams Before My Own
We’re currently living in a culture that is more self-centered than ever before. Everywhere you look, from movies to advertisements to self-help books, the emphasis is on doing what makes you happy and fulfilled. While there’s nothing wrong with having dreams and pursuing them, they may not always give you the fulfillment you’re craving. For my wife and I, that was exactly the case. I was so dead set on pursuing my own dreams that we turned our lives upside down so that I could half-heartedly chase them. My dream was to work my way into the family business, make enough money so that my wife could be a stay-at-home…
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How Immersing Yourself in Nature Can Strengthen Your Marriage
As an independent introvert, it’s extremely important for me to find alone time so that I can process my thoughts and feelings. However, I’ve found that too much alone time and solitude can also be a bad thing, especially when it comes to my marriage. It’s easy for me to let my thoughts run wild as I work through real and imaginary problems, often making them worse by internalizing them. Therefore, while alone time is great and rejuvenating, you’re going to have a tough time being in a functional marriage if you and your spouse can’t find an activity that you both love where you can discuss whatever is on…
