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Balancing Work and Well-being: A Guide for Men
Men should work, or at least that’s what society has been pushing since the male species first went out hunting. People often expect men to be strong, provide for their families, and work hard. Unfortunately, what people expect of men can lead to stress, which is bad for their overall well-being. Think about Vincent van Gogh, a guy who spent his whole life making beautiful art. He made lots of unique paintings, but at what cost? His commitment to work, no matter how inspiring and passionate, affected his mental health. Why? Well, because he could not master work-life balance. And many modern men are like Van Gogh, focusing so profoundly…
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What I’ve Learned About Men’s Attachment Wounds As A Therapist
We all have an underlying core need for connection and intimacy. While fluid, the attachments we form early on with our caregivers affect our capacity for this, setting the stage for our adult relationships. Attachment Theory describes the adaptation of attachment patterns, based on our caregivers’ responses to our emotional needs in infancy and childhood. If our primary caregivers were predictable in showing up for us– loving, attuned and responsive to our emotional needs– we are likely to develop safety and security in our attachments. However, if our experience was that of inconsistency, lack of emotional attunement, and in meeting our needs, we are more likely to develop insecurity in…
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The Importance of Being on the Same Page While Parenting
In addition to getting married and becoming a husband, being a parent is the most important role you will ever have. Whether you planned to have a child or not, they’re here, and you had better get used to it. There are a ton of things you need to worry about in the early days of parenthood. On top of the day-to-day worries, you also need to decide what your parenting style is going to be. This includes things like how you plan to discipline your child, screen time, dietary choices, and much more. Although my wife and I are still in the early stages of parenthood, we made the…
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Navigating Stress in Relationships: Tips for Men
When you are outside looking in, relationships often look like a fairytale. There are inside jokes, someone to go places with, someone you can laugh with– it’s intoxicating. Loving and having someone to love is a good thing. But relationships are more than just kisses and hugs. If there is one thing I could tell men who just got into a relationship, it is that you will get stressed. Your partner will stress you. Arguments will stress you. Your feelings will stress you. The fear that you are doing something wrong will stress you. But listen, it’s normal. Every man gets stressed from being in a relationship. Stress in relationships…
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Burnout to Bounty: Confessions of a De-Motivated Dad Struggling Amid Chaos
Motivation after overcoming burnout has been a real struggle for me this past year, and that’s not something I normally struggle with. Let me explain why. During the past year, COVID has affected my wife and seven children on two separate occasions, just as I was about to launch a new coaching course and scale my marketing business. We were hit with wave upon wave of illness for over five months. After recovering from COVID twice, my elder daughters brought a new chest infection into the house from university, followed by a stomach bug, and then another round of chest infections. January through June was a blur of boiling kettles…
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How I Keep Old Friends From Becoming Former Friends
We’ve all heard the saying, “You can’t make old friends.” That’s not to say you can’t meet new friends and acquaintances that you keep for life. What the saying means is that you’ll never be able to build the type of relationship with a new friend that you have with the people you grew up with. That’s not to say that new friends you make won’t go on to be your best and closest acquaintances. It simply means that the bonds you build with friends when you’re young are different than those you make in your twenties, thirties, and beyond. Old friends also bring back feelings of nostalgia and happiness…
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True Love Defined by Servanthood in Marriage
As I completed my second valentine’s hat, I contemplated the red crocheted heart on the rim and what it stands for. Love. Not the mushy Hallmark kind that equates to a dozen red roses and a nice dinner out that requires a reservation once a year on February 14th. Rather, the kind of love that lasts a lifetime….. My mother had a tooth pulled last week. It was not an easy extraction. The tooth was crowned, the crown broke, and the remains of the decayed tooth underneath were barely salvageable. The dentist recommended pulling the tooth. My mother hesitantly agreed. Partway through the long procedure, feeling the intense pressure of…
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Real Men, Real Confidence: Why ‘True Grit’ Means You Doing YOU
“I feel like a fraud. I’m just faking it until I make it. I’ve had enough, and I’m taking it out on everyone around me...” No, it’s not me saying this. But I hope this caught your eye, because I did want your attention for a few minutes. It’s surprising how you only find out how much pain someone is in until you ask if they are okay. I was speaking to a very successful entrepreneur dad (I’ll call him “Alex”) a few weeks ago, and I always thought that he had his stuff together. Aside from his having a lovely family and enjoying the wealth from his businesses, his…
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5 Strategies for Men to Conquer Self-Doubt and Thrive
I have to ask, are you the type of guy who wakes up in the morning with a long list of goals to achieve that day? Do you love hitting your time goals so much that even if you miss one target, it feels like hell is freezing over? Maybe you have a yearly calendar on your phone and every time you check something off, there seems to be another four items to tackle? Getting things done by “x” day of the month, it’s overwhelming right? Yes? Inner criticism: it’s a weakness of mine too. The Inner Critic is that that nagging voice inside your head, the one that constantly…
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This Helped Me Better Understand How Men Perceive Vulnerability
Recently I watched my husband grieve the loss of his father following a courageous battle with cancer. This experience was truly heartbreaking to witness. However, I believe it helped me to better understand just how complex the depths of vulnerability can be for men. To be vulnerable means to identify and share what is true for us emotionally. From the words of Brené Brown, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” As a therapist I encourage vulnerability; It has the power of truly transforming our relationships, with ourselves and with others. When we show vulnerably in the context of…
