Dating Right After Divorce: How to Feel Confident Starting Over

So you just got divorced…yikes! Or is it congratulations? I guess it depends on the situation. But anyway, it’s not like you got into a marriage hoping to get divorced. Things happened, mistakes and discoveries were made, and here you are, divorced. Chin up, big guy, it’s not so bad. I’ve met a lot of men who’ve gotten divorced, and they are usually one of four. There’s the guy who never wants to love again. There’s the guy who’s out to hurt others as he was hurt. There’s the one out for fun, and there’s the guy worried or scared about dating right after divorce.

That’s who I’m talking to!

You who’s ready to give love a second chance. Thinking about it, you get a little nauseous, but it’s what you want. You are okay being alone but chose not to be. You have a lot of love to give, and you just need to get through a date without going on and on about your ex. 

It’s easier said than done. But not impossible.

Dating right after divorce can be exciting and scary. You will have thoughts of where it all went wrong, perhaps hoping it does not happen again. It’s a new chapter in your life, and you want it to go smoothly. And maybe you don’t feel as confident as you once did.

But that’s alright; a little help goes a long way. So, keep reading as I offer guidance for dating right after divorce, including how to feel confident again. 

Feeling Insecure is Normal

The excitement of dating right after divorce can be dulled by insecurity. Feeling insecure after your divorce is a common experience for many people. After all, your whole world gets turned upside down with that one document. You will feel vulnerable and scared and doubt your credibility, self-worth, and trust. 

Divorce feels like walking around with a tattoo on your forehead saying, ‘Not fit for love.’ But check the mirror; you don’t have that stamp and shouldn’t wear it on your face. It is devastating but also a part of life. Relationships end, and it does not mean you’ve reached an expiry date. 

It means you have the experience to try again. You can examine and change the qualities you don’t like about yourself. It is your opportunity to grow and bring all the positives you have to offer to a new relationship.

But realizing this takes time. You’ll have to remind yourself over and over again. That’s why it’s best to control your insecurity before returning to the dating scene. Divorce is a major life event, and you should treat it as such. But it’s only part of your life. Once you realize this, you are ready for the following tips for dating right after divorce. 

Tips for Dating Right After Divorce

How to Feel Confident

Trust yourself

What if your new partner sees what your old one saw and then leaves you? What if you have a flaw you have yet to discover? These thoughts will ruin how you feel about yourself, and that’s not the kind of attitude you need to bring to a first date. So, improve your confidence by taking the time to get to know yourself again.

It helps you become more attuned to what you want and need. Thus, you will have an easier time listening to your gut and following your instincts. You’ll sense when something is off and change your mind when you don’t feel good without feeling guilty.  

Change your look

If it’s hard to look in the mirror and not see the ‘divorced guy,’ then maybe it’s time to change how you look. And no, you don’t have to get plastic surgery unless it’s something you’ve been wanting for a long time. Instead, start small with a haircut and wardrobe.

If you have no ideas, just check out what male celebrities with the same face shape and age as you are doing. Pick the one you like most, then go for it.

Do the same if you are also thinking about changing your wardrobe. Remember, you just need to find something comfortable that makes you feel confident. 

One more thing: Do you have a nickname that has always made you feel good, cool, or comfortable? Start introducing yourself with it!

Don’t be so hard on yourself. 

Remember to give yourself grace as you adjust to the modern dating scene. You will feel lost and confused if it’s been a while since you last went on a date. It will take a while to learn about what’s happening. But don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t get it immediately. Be patient, and give yourself grace. 

Improving Your Social Skills

Hang out with friends and family.

It is a common feeling to want to isolate yourself after a divorce. Socializing is challenging after going through a life-changing experience. Taking the time you need before meeting up with friends and family is important. But don’t be gone too long, as these interactions help improve your social skills.

Dating right after divorce can be easy if you still remember how to socialize with others. So, hang out with friends and join in on conversations. In addition, invite one friend or family member out to get a feel of what it would be like to have a conversation with just one person. You can also go with a work friend or function. 

Practice listening

Yes, you want to share your thoughts and opinions. It’s important and likely the only way your date gets to know the real you. However, what’s equally important is listening to what others say. You feel great when someone actually pays attention to what you have to say.

You can invoke the same feeling from your date by being a better listener. Practice maintaining eye contact, nodding and other gestures, and asking for clarification if you misunderstood something.

In addition, it may seem obvious, but just in case it’s not, do not reach for your phone! You must be present and interested. Using your phone will kill the conversation.  

Learn about open-ended questions

A big part of socializing is keeping the conversation going. In the past, I was the type of person who answered questions and left them at that. I was never rude or awkward with my answers. Some people even found me funny.

But the conversation would immediately end because I did not know what to say next. Then, I saw how my younger charismatic sister does things and discovered the easiest way to keep the conversation going: Ask open-ended questions! It is so simple, yet so many people never do it.

I would suggest, however, practicing with someone you know. There is a fine line between wanting to know more about your date and investigating them for murder. You do not want to sound like you are interrogating your date, so practice!

Planning Dates

Ask what your date would like

Planning the actual date can be challenging when dating right after divorce. It feels like you’ve done it all before. And you want to create a unique experience for your date. Remember, there is no shame in asking what your date would be interested in doing.

You could ask directly or sneak it into the conversation about her likes and dislikes. Pay attention and try to plan something your date will enjoy. Bonus points if you can avoid recreating a date from your past!

Keep it simple

First impressions matter. Which is why you are probably researching how much hot air balloon rentals cost. But slow down there, Romeo. The hot air balloon trip shouldn’t come until much later. Instead, you want to keep things simple. Going all out might not have the effect you want; your date could be overwhelming. So, resist that inner voice telling you to rent a choir to sing over dinner. There are simpler ways to be romantic. 

Dating Right After Divorce: Embrace Your New Beginning Confidently

Dating right after divorce can be challenging. But it’s also an opportunity for a fresh start. Remember to make peace with your insecurities and use them as a stepping stone to becoming a more confident, self-assured version of yourself.

It is also important to remember that you’re not defined by your past but by how you move forward. By trusting yourself, making small changes to boost your confidence, and practicing good social skills, you can navigate the dating scene a little better each time.

Plan thoughtful, simple dates and focus on genuine connections. With patience and a positive attitude, dating after divorce can be a rewarding new chapter.

About Author

Waithira Njagi is a seasoned wellness and relationship content writer with nearly a decade of experience. Her passion for helping others navigate the complexities of personal growth and connection shines through in her engaging and insightful writing.
With a knack for distilling complex topics into easily digestible pieces, Waithira's work is geared toward readers seeking guidance and inspiration on their journey to holistic well-being.
When she's not crafting engaging articles, you can find Waithira curled up with a stack of romance novels– always rooting for love to win– or enjoying quality time with her beloved family. Her dedication to spreading love and positivity is evident in everything she creates.

Waithira is here to remind you that life, much like their stories, is a tapestry of connections - to loved ones, and the endless adventures found in books.

Did you know a lot of our content is only sent to our email members? Signup for Free
Did you know a lot of our content is only sent to our email members? Signup for Free

Pin It on Pinterest