Understanding The Emotionally Unavailable Man

Nobody ever wants to be in the eyeline of an emotionally unavailable man. Sadly, sometimes you find yourself there without even knowing it.

I mean, it’s not like emotionally unavailable men walk around with a sign on their foreheads. And they don’t come out of the gates announcing it. They probably don’t even realize or accept it!

So can you really change him? Is the emotionally unavailable man worth the trouble or destined to be alone? Most people who have been down this path would tell you to walk away, even run.

Others will tell you that there could be something there, and it’s ‘not so bad.’ So, what is the right answer? Do you push forward with him, help him open up, or walk away? 

Keep reading to gain insight into the emotionally unavailable man. 

Signs He Is Emotionally Unavailable 

Is he the strong, silent type, or just emotionally unavailable? The following are some common signs that he may be emotionally unavailable:

1. He Avoids Deep Conversations

An emotionally unavailable man will most of the time shy away from talking about serious topics, especially any topic including feelings, commitment, or a future. It’s easy to tell because when you bring something meaningful up, he will completely change the subject, joke around, or say he doesn’t like ‘mushy’ conversations.

2. He’s Hot and Cold

One day, he’s all over you, giving affection and attention. The next day, he’s cold or standoffish. The ‘hot and cold’ running is normal for an emotionally unavailable man. He may not even know he’s doing it, but it can make you feel like he’s never fully present in the relationship.

3. He Doesn’t Make Future Plans

He’s going to be the guy who shies away from the future when discussing it with you. When bringing up vacations, holidays, or even plans for the weekend, he acts like it’s the last thing on his mind because he does not want to commit to anything. 

4. He Keeps Conversations Surface-Level

He may be emotionally unavailable if he rarely speaks about anything personal or avoids sharing his thoughts and feelings with you. Contrary to this, an emotionally unavailable man often keeps conversations light and avoids letting you get too close on an emotional level.

5. He’s Not Affectionate

An emotionally unavailable man may have problems with physical or verbal displays of affection. They may find it hard to show their love through verbal expressions or giving compliments and showing warmth. This makes you feel like he’s holding something back even as you want more closeness.

6. He Makes You Feel Alone in the Relationship

You may feel like you’re doing all of the work to keep a relationship going when dating an emotionally unavailable man. This type of guy doesn’t go out of his way much to make you feel special. You will feel alone or unsupported all of the time.

7. He Avoids Labeling the Relationship

If he seems allergic to words like ‘girlfriend’ and ‘relationship,’ then this is another red flag. An emotionally unavailable man will avoid labels simply because he does not want the responsibility or commitment that comes with such labels.

8. He Doesn’t Apologize or Take Responsibility

An emotionally unavailable man will definitely have problems apologizing or accepting his mistakes. He will blame others (including you) or totally avoid talking about the situation. So, it is challenging to fix your issues healthily.

Why Are Some Men Emotionally Unavailable?

Fear of Vulnerability

One reason a man might be emotionally unavailable is a fear of vulnerability. Opening up means showing his true self, flaws and all, which can feel risky.

He could worry that being open about his feelings will lead to rejection or judgment. An emotionally unavailable man often protects himself by keeping his emotions private, which makes it hard for him to build deeper connections.

Past Hurt and Trauma

Men who have experienced past trauma or heartbreak may struggle to open up emotionally. If they’ve been hurt in the past, they might avoid getting close to protect themselves from feeling that pain again.

For example, a man who went through a difficult breakup may find it hard to trust someone new. This past hurt often causes an emotionally unavailable man to keep his feelings hidden, which makes it challenging for him to engage fully in a relationship.

Social and Cultural Expectations

Society often tells men that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, so many men grow up feeling they need to hide their feelings. These social expectations can make a man believe that he must always be strong and unemotional.

An emotionally unavailable man may resist opening up, fearing it goes against these expectations of strength and toughness.

Desire for Control

For some men, being emotionally unavailable is a way to maintain control. When he keeps his emotions private, he feels like he’s in charge of the relationship dynamics.

By staying emotionally distant, he avoids feeling too vulnerable and keeps himself from relying too much on others.

An emotionally unavailable man will struggle with giving up control, which can make it hard for him to fully commit and open up.

So, Should You Date An Emotionally Unavailable Man?

Dating an emotionally unavailable man can be challenging, so it’s important to think carefully before you get too invested.

An emotionally unavailable man will struggle to connect on a deeper level. So, if you’re looking for a close, meaningful relationship, this will 100% make things hard for you!

However, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that not every emotionally unavailable man is the same. Some men know of their struggles and are very much willing to work on them. If he’s open to change and willing to communicate, there may be hope for building a closer connection!

But remember, he has to want to make those changes himself. You can’t ‘fix’ him or make him emotionally available if they don’t want to.

In the end, it depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re okay with a casual relationship without too much emotional depth, dating an emotionally unavailable man might actually be great!

But if you want a deep, supportive, and committed relationship, it could be better to move on. You deserve someone who can meet you halfway, connect with you emotionally, and make you feel valued.

Choosing to date an emotionally unavailable man is a personal decision, so really think about it.