The Top Things Men Secretly Want in a Relationship

If you are active on social media, you must be confused about what men want from women. The requirements seem as diverse as they are non-inclusive. In addition, what men want seems to be changing every few months.

We all want something from a relationship. Women are more vocal about their expectations and needs. They are rarely afraid of asking for what they want from their partners. But it is not to say that women do not have secret desires.

Men are a different case. They struggle to be open about what they want in a relationship. Especially if they think it will affect the relationship. So, believe the rumors: men are secretive in relationships!

Some secrets you don’t need to learn. Others could benefit your relationship when you do. This is one of those instances where learning what men really want from women in a relationship is beneficial.

When you are flying blind, it becomes challenging to impress him. Plus, you hate the thought of not being able to address his needs, especially if he does well to acknowledge yours.

Of course, you could ask, but like I said, men are betrothed to secrets. So, if you are wondering if he actually wants to go for that pottery class, this article is for you!

Now, don’t get too excited because I cannot for sure decode what he wants. But I can give you a guide to what most men have confessed to wanting and wishing for in relationships. So don’t think of it as a direct answer to whether he wants to take you out. Instead, it’s a guide on what he could want, but you haven’t realized yet.

So grab your notepad – this may be a long but rewarding list!

What Do Men Secretly Want in a Relationship?

Independence for him and for you

Are men actively searching for weaker women? Some may be, but great men are not intimidated by success and independence. They are looking for women who inspire them to do and be better.

Therefore, what men secretly want in a relationship is for women to have space for their own things. They want their wives or girlfriends to still have independent interests, friends, and responsibilities.

So, if you are dating someone, don’t drop your responsibilities or interests for him. Instead, ensure you give him the desired attention while doing things away from him.

You don’t like to feel smothered, so why would he? Sometimes, he may not say it, but he wants some personal space. He wants to feel independent of you, and that calls for a little space.

In the same way you give yourself time to enjoy independence, you should give him time to enjoy his hobbies.

Even as you spend time together, remember he will require space for his hobbies, friends, and family. If he invites you, that’s great! But when he asks to do it alone, don’t take it personally.


Just because you are in a committed relationship does not mean you should take everything so seriously. At least, that’s what your guy is secretly thinking.

The ‘golden retriever boyfriend’ concept is truer than you think. Men love to stay active and play. Even the ‘black cat boyfriends’ don’t mind a little fun now and then.

And because of this, they want their women to be playful with them. Unfortunately, not a lot of women remember this.

You could be more focused on ensuring your communication is effective, you have shared interests while being independent, and all the other things that make a relationship work.

You can skip over whether he wants to play a game with you, engage him in a tickle fight, or prank him back. Harmless teasing, sarcasm, and other playful antics are blissfully simple. So, humor him every once in a while.


Remember when he asked you what you thought about his outfit or new haircut? We wanted a compliment!

Men will rarely ask you to compliment them, probably due to social conditioning. However, it does not mean they don’t want to be praised.

Complements make us happy, warm, fuzzy, and all those other good feelings. Your guy could benefit from a little sweet talk! He needs reassurance, too, to boost his confidence and help him feel loved.

There’s nothing wrong with stroking his ego a little. He may bring out more positive attributes when you praise him. For example, telling him he’s kind could make him want to be even kinder or thoughtful.


Why do men want respect SECRETLY? Well, demanding respect as a man can come off as a little chauvinistic. But they want respect and will ask for it by respecting you.

In addition, a guy will show assertiveness in his decisions or be straightforward with his opinions, hoping that you will respect them even if you do not understand him.

Mutual respect among partners can strengthen your bond and make you feel loved. Now, respecting him does not mean agreeing with everything he says or wants.

Bad ideas are bad ideas that do not need encouragement. Respect, instead, is about recognizing that he is an individual with different opinions and experiences. You just need to accept that and treat him as your equal.


When he asks you to be his girlfriend, know that he no longer wants to be alone. Once he commits, he will start to see you as a partner. And secretly, he’s hoping you will also see it that way.

What men secretly want from women is a partnership. He wants you to commit to shared goals and responsibilities as equals. Of course, this does not always mean splitting things 50-50.

Instead, it means discussing how to work as partners for a healthy relationship and a bright future. While men have this shared opinion, they have different views of what it looks like to be partners.

Some believe in splitting costs and chores down the middle. Others would instead allocate responsibilities equally. In this situation, the best thing to do is talk about what your partnership should look like.

Discuss finances, chores, and other important aspects that require partnering up.

Acceptance of his help

You are independent, confident, and capable of caring for yourself. These are all attributes your guy admires about you. But you can be all these while allowing your boyfriend or husband to help you.

He may not say it, but he secretly hopes you will ask for help or accept it. We all like to feel needed, and this is one way he can show love through action instead of emotion– it’s way easier for him sometimes!

Now, I’m not asking you to be a damsel in distress. He just wants you to accept it when he offers to carry your bags– even when they are not heavy!

Now and then, you can ask him to help you run some errands or fix things, even if you can do it on your own. This old-fashioned chivalry can be cute. It is his way of expressing the desire to make you happy and to feel useful.

Emotional intimacy

Despite what many people believe, men want emotional intimacy. Men love connecting with their partners but may not say or show it.

As most people know, men have difficulty communicating their feelings– social conditioning will not allow them to.

However, deep down, they are hoping for an opportunity to show emotional vulnerability and have it reciprocated.

It may take some time for him to show emotional vulnerability. But when he does, it could indicate that he is ready for emotional intimacy.


Men rarely talk about looking for security, especially in relationships. But it’s not just women who are looking for a secure relationship. Yes, men are scared of entering into relationships. But they are not saying that it’s because they are unsure whether their partner will provide security.

Security is not just about saying that you won’t leave. If that worked, there would be a lot fewer broken hearts. Instead, it is about being reliable and accountable. This is something people in a committed relationship should discuss.

What Men Secretly Want: The Hidden Desires of Men in Relationships

Understanding what men secretly want can be a bit tricky because it varies from guy to guy. But guess what? Men like getting compliments, just like everyone else does!

Respect is also a big deal for them. They show it by treating you with respect too.

Even though people say men don’t show emotions, deep down, they really want a committed partnership. That means sharing goals, responsibilities, and thinking about the future together.

They also have a secret wishlist that includes patience, being okay with getting help, and having emotional closeness.

But here’s the thing: what men secretly want can be different. So, while you’re trying to figure out those secrets, it’s a good idea to talk openly with your guy. That usually works the best!

Unlocking Desires: The Top Things Men Secretly Want from Women in a Relationship

Discover the innermost desires of men in relationships with our insightful guide. From emotional connection to unexpected gestures, explore the key elements that can strengthen your bond and bring a new level of intimacy to your partnership.

Dive into the male psyche! Uncover the top secrets of what men want from women in a relationship. From emotional depth to surprising gestures, this guide spills the beans on creating a connection that goes beyond the surface.#RelationshipGoals

About Author

Waithira Njagi is a seasoned wellness and relationship content writer with nearly a decade of experience. Her passion for helping others navigate the complexities of personal growth and connection shines through in her engaging and insightful writing.
With a knack for distilling complex topics into easily digestible pieces, Waithira's work is geared toward readers seeking guidance and inspiration on their journey to holistic well-being.
When she's not crafting engaging articles, you can find Waithira curled up with a stack of romance novels– always rooting for love to win– or enjoying quality time with her beloved family. Her dedication to spreading love and positivity is evident in everything she creates.

Waithira is here to remind you that life, much like their stories, is a tapestry of connections - to loved ones, and the endless adventures found in books.

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